Monday, February 9, 2009

Reasons to Destroy the Earth, Obama or not

1) Any classically influenced apocalypse, such as zombie, viral, alien, nuclear, oil, or psycho stalking sorority women in a mall, begins with one bold step. BE THE STEP! If you cause zombies to roam the earth... well thats pretty fucking badass man.

2) Felicia Day is probably not a virgin. That means someone other than you (read: me) has twitterpated her nethers with their probably-pianist-trained, Legolas-like long fingers. The ones with skin so thin they make sushi chefs drool. The only way to right this grievous wrong is to NUKE HIM FROM ORBIT. And by him, we all know I mean every square hectare of arable soil.

3) Seriously, cant be stressed enough. Even a small chance to cause zombies to rise is worth the risk. The risk of global thermonuclear war. Would you like to play a game? HELL yeah I would!

4) Who is sick of paying rent? Roll the ugliness of a global apocalypse!

5) Is there truly anyone out there who doesn't want a legitimate excuse to utter "I had to bust a cap in their ass." and have a legit reason? Is total world apocalypse too high a price to pay? Nay, NAY I SAY!!

6) It will lower the queues for our favorite world of warcraft servers.